Making the most of time!

Hi guys,

Thank you to each of you for the special messages I received.

I'm having a bad day and I guess that is normal. Radiation went well today, Jed was so so so brave, he lay so still - i counted to him, 1 BEN TEN, 2 BEN TEN, 3 BEN TEN and he lay so still like a little angel. The radiation goes in 2 sessions - each session lasts just over a minute. It is a huge thing to lay still for a minute (and about 7 secs) when you are 4. But my brave 4 year old can do it. Today he got WOLF GUY from Ben 10 - he has 3 aliens in total now and the excitement on his face when he opens each alien is truly a blessing and worth every cent.

The chemo is yuk, I believe that is what is contributing to his mood swings (either that or my genes!) however, the nausea has improved and I say thank you to everyone who prayed for him after Friday night. Saturday and Sunday were both good nights.

I'm scared today and full of negative questions but I'm trying really hard to be strong for Jed. I was crying allot earlier and Jed asked me why and I said it was coz I miss watching BEN 10 (our DVD machine broke earlier) he totally understood my tears... and marched off! The reality is that we went to play at the jungle gym, and I watched all the other mommys "playing" with their kids, I was wondering if they were thinking of what is on the stove or about the next soapy... coz none of them looked all that interested in playing with their kids. I LOVE playing with Jed, it has always been the best part of my day, coming home and spending those quality hours kicking a ball or running around.... so how come if I enjoy it so much God is allowing my Jed to go through this.. yet these other mom's don't seem to like it as much. Such a selfish thought hey....???but one with a message, enjoy playing with your kids.... trust me, I was one of the people who said, "shame that is so sad, and then thought, that "stuff" is awful but "knew" it happened to "other" people" Now i'm "other" people....

I'm also petrified about chemo on top of radiation - I look back to Friday night and I'm so nervous to re-live another night of vomiting, sweating and his little body shaking. Saturday and Sunday the chemo went well but then again, there was no radiation..... already on the way home today, he wasn't feeling great.

I missing my little home in PMB, with my veggie garden, i'm missing seeing people, i'm missing Jed playing with his friends and even missing my job.

Living in isolation is no fun..... and I believe it could be contributing to my ikki state of mind today, I keep busy - that way there is NO time to think, if I had to stop and think I would go crazy (crazier).... The cancer association phoned today and asked if they could send a lady to see me, and I was like ...mmm, okay, why, and the guy replied saying because she had breast cancer and she can relate to you.... I said nope, that if I had cancer, i'd be sad, but to watch your CHILD suffer is far far far far harder... i would trade places with Jed in a heart beat (even tried to barter with God on that one!) So the cancer association dude was very disappointed that he couldn't help. I guess no one could, unless they were going through the same thing... so I say, bring on the prayers coz really that is the ONLY support I need!

Love to all, and I promise to be more chirpy tomorrow! Please please continue to pray for Jed! Uncle Joe - your mail was beautiful!!!

From
Bon and Jed