Thursday, June 17, 2010

Today's update

17th June 2010

Hi there,

I have just called Linksfield to confirm that post surgery Jed will be in isolation and have a dedicated sister looking after him. Dr Klass (pediatrician at Linksfield he actually dx Jed back in August 2008) has confirmed that they have staff issues due to the soccer but will ensure that Jed is given priority. He said he and Dr Weinberg discussed once again the risks of the surgery and from then on I heard bla bla high risk bla bla due to radiation healing is a huge problem bla bla bla....... as long as my son is pain free and I want to see his smile asap, the rest is just talk at this stage!!!

Today Jed is still mobile, he is falling like a drunken boy but he is still determined to move around and be independent. He has fallen three times pretty badly and I think he may have cracked his nose as it is swollen and blue.... but he is not complaining of pain at all. His best friend Thami (see photo) is staying with us and they are laughing playing games and enjoying normal things boys do. So neurologically Jed is "okay"..... the nausea is controlled with the very high doses of steriods - I am yet to see the steroid rage come out. Although he is very emotional - crying about silly little things like the TV on the wrong channel or his bottie not warm enough so the steroids are kicking in as Jed is normally so sweet.

I got busy and organised today. Got Jed's new bedding for the hospital and goodies to decorate his room - I'm going Toy Story 3 as it seems to be very "in" at the moment. I have got him a duvet, pillow, carpet and a few dvds for the hopital. I got him sheep skin from Michelle and special creams to prevent bed sores. I have meds for tummy issues related to high doses of pain medication. I have clear liquids and new bottles - I got zip up tops as nothing will be able to go over his head (already there is swelling). I have purity and liquid food supplements, nappies as he won't be able to move and bed sheets and wipes.... please let me know if I have forgotten anything. Feeling organised makes me feel in control and with cancer u have NO control so this obsession is therapeutic at this stage. I'm sterilizing the bedding and hospital clothes now and will pack them up tomorrow - "keep on swimming, keep on swimming, keep on swimming!!"

Gillian Declan's (he sadly passed away from cancer) mom dropped off some cooked meals which was a wonderful and welcomed surprise, as you all know I just HATE cooking so starving to death would suit me right now... Ray has already lost 12 kgs with all this cancer stress and I guess I found half of the 12kgs which is great as eating seems like a huge mission (I have room to starve a bit) but yes, we are keeping up our strength.

Please pray, I'm isolating myself more and more I guess this is selfish but I just know that if I speak on the phone it may just push me over the edge which I'm currently leaning over - toes already gribbing the sides... today Alida phoned and it took so much strength not to cry that I think I landed up sounding rude, sick and mad.... so let's stick to mails.... but thank you for the beautiful messages of strength and love at this putrid time!

Bonni Jed's mommy

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Jed's Reality

15th June 2010

Hi there,

The update so that my phone silences...

Dr Reynders told us that we have days with Jed - the cancer is very aggressive and almost at full size. My baby is suddenly weak, he can't really walk and the pain is setting in... but he is playing in true Jed style.....

Our time with him is precious so I will not be taking calls to chat and repeat myself.

We are seeing a surgeon to discuss the possibility of taking the tumor out to relieve the pressure to avoid pain for Jed. He is reluctant to operate as the
wall around the tumor is hard due to the two previous operations in the same location. South Africa has a proton radiation and if I find it this will also make Jeddy be more comfortable during this time. Please feel free to donate to this if you feel you would like to.....

We do not want new visitors at this time as we don't want to entertain anyone and to be honest this is our family time. I will do all I can to ensure Jed does not suffer and that if this is God's will then I pray he directs us and gives us the medication required.

How am I???? Well I broken to the core - there are honestly no words to describe this pain - death for me would be a pleasant and welcome experience. I picture not seeing Jed in his school uniform and never seeing that little tooth growing in his mouth - I think of sleeping without him in my arms and I know that I couldn't do it.... so on the how am I... I am currently strong for my son whilst shattered as NOW this is about Jed and not me.... or Ray or his precious Gwannies..... we all need to be strong for MY SON. My precious beautiful wonderful son!

Jed's bank account details to assist with care during this time.

First National BankAccount No: 62218655184Branch: GreenstoneBranch code: 201510Acc Name: Jed SucklingReference: Your name or if you prefer anonymousSwift Code: FirNZAJJA 188

Bonni - always Jed's mom

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Vusi died yesterday

Hello everyone,

Our little Vus Vus puppy died yesterday. He was barking at the maid and I hit the bed and shouted "Vusi stop barking" he got a fright fell off the bed, hit his tiny head on the corner of the set of draws, broke his neck and was dead on landing. We rushed him to vet and I insisted they do everything to try bring my little puppy back, but it was too late......

Vusi was not just a dog, he was the little boy who at 3am when "suicide hour" hit would lick my tears and cuddle up to me. He was my replacement of the lack of affection, he'd keep me warm and he was my little comforter. When Jed would go for treatment I'd say "we gotta get this done coz little Vus Vus is waiting". Jed would rush through it so we could get home to our doggie.

My heart is broken into a million pieces. Losing Vus just highlighted once again how in an instant your world can change. - If I never shouted to him to stop barking he may not have fallen off the bed.... if . ... if ... if....

On the way to the vet I was crying and driving very fast. Jed said... "mom don't drive fast, Vus Vus is already with Jesus, Jesus told me... there is a special heaven where doggies go, and mom Vus is okay so stop crying" - my son shocks me....

The clocks ticking is louder and the silence is hurting my ears.... I miss my little doggie and I feel extra lonely now....

Ray has already said that he does not want another dog in the flat but it doesn't matter cos Vus is irreplaceable.

In Nemo-The Movie-Dori sings to Nemo when he is scared of the dark "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming" and when times are hard I sing it too... but right now the current seems too strong...... with my puppy gone..

Please pray for us.

Love Bon and Jed

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Update and Rainbows and Smiles

25th Mat 2010
Hi everyone,

......sorry for being so quiet but I have been enjoying the normal things that most of us take for granted. Jed and I have been going to play games (video arcade games), watching movies and living it up. It has been the most amazing time, Jed is eating so much better and his weight is at 22.8kgs this morning (and to think in September it was 16kgs)

We had a wonderful fund raiser to raise funds for Jed and Jordi. A special heartfelt thank you to everyone who came along and supported the boys. The evening was a huge success. We managed to raise just enough for the MRI scan which is a huge relief. Pat - thanks for all your hard work. I don't have any photos so if any of you took photos please send them to me. Jed's next MRI is on the 21st of June 2010 so please keep praying... Our pray is NED - NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE - God can do this!

Jed is still going for Occupational therapy and he is showing some improvements with his fine motor skills. He is still having a hard time writing and doing some tasks as his hands still shake. The shake is caused by the damage from surgery and/or radiation. He calls it his wiggle - the wiggle has hampered his writing but not stopped him. He is now writing his name clearly and has mastered writing up to number 4. I am still home schooling him for 3 hours at day and he continues to amaze me with his intelligence (mmmm wonder where he gets it).

At the last blood test, we found out that Jed is Vit D deficient - so I am supplementing him, as I have read some interesting facts on Vit D working to help slow down or stop cancer cells. The last blood test showed his count was 24 and my aim is to get it up to 60 - 80. On Thursday we will do a full blood count to check sodium levels, liver function and Vit D. Thursday I will be taking him in for his port flush and to DELIVER GIFTS TO THE CHILDREN IN OUR ONCOLOGY WARD!!!!!!

My charity Rainbows and Smiles is now legal and with the help of my dear friend Dawn Van Vuuren from local magazine we are doing our first awareness day on Saturday. The sole purpose of this charity is to bring joy to children with cancer and create awareness. Membership to the organisation costs nothing and all members are open to all information and details regarding the organisation. Basically you join, you get e-mails and photo's of kids with cancer receiving a gift... simple..... As membership grows so does awareness for childhood cancer! Please see attached invite for Saturday! Rainbows and Smiles constitution is available for anyone to read, review and comment on. This is my way of "paying it forward......"

I thank you all for the continued love, prayers and support.

Love Bonni
Founder of Rainbows and Smiles