Tuesday, May 12, 2009

With love after 1st of many chemo sessions

12th May 2009

Hi everyone,

Chemo was hectic - well not the actual chemo but the night after and the last few horrid days. Jed was terribly sick... his gran (Ray's mom) cried when she looked at him and there were times over the last couple of days where Ray and I just looked at each other and without saying a word knew what the other was thinking ......"is it worth it to put him through this..." Jed didn't eat for days and the biggest worry of all was he also stopped drinking. He slept all the time and I sat watching him, making sure he didn't choke on his own vomit. Jed's first round of oral chemo never effected him like this so this was a total shock to our system. I was so scared... I hardly slept - as he was sore, his tummy, his bum, his legs and also aaaaaaaaaaa his head.... Our new doctor has been such an amazing pillar of strength for me. I phoned him on Sunday night very panicked (yet again) and he explained that the chemo causes brain swelling and that could be the answer to the headache - also Jed was dehydrated so that was making the situation worse. Anything but the tumour. The new doctor (Dr David Reynders) is wonderful, he phoned everyday after the chemo and constantly checks on Jed - he cares!!!!!!

If you know ANYone that has ever had chemo, give them a huge hug; to all my loved ones who have been through it, ..."you have more strength than anyone I have ever met. You are a super hero.... " If you haven't walked the road - I don't think you can comprehend what this poison does to your body.... the sweats, the cold, the shaking, the nausea, the pain... horrid I tell you! At one time Jed was screaming saying "somebody is killing me mama" - it was so sad to witness.

Today is my birthday - 'happy birthday to me... " I have been blessed with two of the BEST presents I could imagine; the first is my little boy - who woke me up by playing with my hair and the other is the fact that he ate food today... It was the most amazing gift. If you offered me a million rand or for Jed to eat a yogurt - I'd choose the latter and I was granted the latter today ... he's had a yogurt, a sausage, juice and a slice of bread. Each mouthful is such a joy to witness. I now sms the grans each time he eats so they are so relieved and enjoying the moment with me.... such joys that others take for granted hey!!!

I decided NOT to take any post chemo pictures, I don't ever want to think of the way he looked and I felt that it wouldn't be nice to share that with anyone. I've attached a picture of the gwans, it is a rather old picture. These are the ladies that love and support us daily .... Soccer Gwan (my aunt) has Jed on her lap, then it is Uncle-Bob Gwan (Ray's mom) and then The Funny Gwan (my mom)

Jed has had one chemo session so only 80 sessions on this course left... only 80 hey - prayers will be essential..... the next session is on Saturday but we will chat to the doctor as the side effects also had him very concerned about Jed going forward.

I know that there is a lot going on with the economy; please know that I am praying for job security for my friends (that's each of you) and for your well-being too. As my good friend Anthony Beckley would say, "one day at a time and what will be, will be... so we live in the moment and enjoy what we have today!"

God Bless and thank you for your prayers.

Lots of love, hugs'
Bonni and Ray x x x

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